How to write a ‘Time to End 007 Movies’ essay

Daniel Craig in 2012 during filming of Skyfall.

Something you can count on, at least every so often, is for the appearance of an essay saying it’s time for James Bond to put up his shoulder holster up for good.

The blog was reminded about this during an exchange on Facebook. A reader posted THIS JULY 5, 2010 ESSAY BY THE GUARDIAN.

At the time, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Bond’s home studio, was in bankruptcy and the future of the 007 franchise was more uncertain.

Still, the essay by Stuart Heritage provides a template for the next time a scribe wants to declare the cinematic Bond is dying.

With that in mind, here’s an excerpt from the 2010 story altered to fit 2017.

Bond 23 25 – the Sam Mendes Bond, the Peter Morgan Bond, the Bond that was going to right all the wrongs of Quantum of Solace  SPECTRE – is no more. Although its status had been set to “indefinitely delayed” since April, the continuing financial mess at MGM means that the film has now been cancelled altogether puttering around. It also means that we’re back in a situation where the next 007 movie could feasibly be several two or three years away.

The ramifications are huge, not least for Daniel Craig who, at 42 49, may have slipped into the old tuxedo for the last time. But maybe it’s time that a bigger question was asked. Should James Bond’s enforced hiatus be turned into a permanent retirement?

(snip)
James Bond isn’t James Bond any more. He’s a tedious exercise in relentless product placement transparently modelled on Jason Bourne the Batman films of director Christopher Nolan. James Bond actually died long ago, when Roger Moore strapped himself into his first male girdle and started wheezing around in a safari suit. The Connery films will still exist no matter what happens at MGM. Do people really want anything else?

Just to be clear, this isn’t an endorsement of the 2010 Guardian piece. The alterations are intended as parody of a genre that, sooner or later, will return “with the inevitability of an unloved season.”