Medical study concludes 007 drinks too much

Sean Connery in a From Russia With Love publicity still

A new study published in the BRITISH MEDICAL JOURNAL shockingly concludes the literary James Bond drank too much.

The study lists three authors and says two of them read all 14 James Bond books by Ian Fleming. (Two of the books were short story collections but that hasn’t prevented some outlets SUCH AS THE BBC as referring to 14 Bond novels.)

“Contemporaneous notes were taken detailing every alcoholic drink taken,” according to the study. “Predefined alcohol unit levels were used to calculate consumption. Days when Bond was unable to consume alcohol (such as through incarceration) were noted.” The authors calculated he consumed 92 alcoholic units a week, excluding times when alcohol was unavailable. He had a daily high of 49.8 units, the study said (hic).

“We were struck, while reading the original James Bond books, that his alcohol consumption seemed rather high and wondered whether he would realistically have the capacity to perform (in all aspects of his life)…at his high level of alcohol intake,” the authors wrote.

“Ideally vodka martinis should be stirred, not shaken. That Bond would make such an elementary mistake in his preferences seemed incongruous with his otherwise impeccable mastery of culinary etiquette. We examined Bond’s alcohol consumption to determine whether he might have been unable to stir his drinks because of the persistent shaking of alcohol induced tremor, making it more socially acceptable to ask for his drinks ‘shaken, not stirred.’”

The study also included a graphic indicating Bond started out drinking a lot in 1953, cutting back, more or less, through 1957 before escalating again.

You can guess where this is leading.

James Bond’s weekly alcohol intake is over four times the advisable maximum alcohol consumption for an adult male. He is at considerable risk of developing alcoholic liver disease, cirrhosis, impotence, and other alcohol related health problems, together with being at serious risk of injury or death because of his drinking. Although we appreciate the societal pressures to consume alcohol when working with international terrorists and high stakes gamblers, we would advise Bond be referred for further assessment of his alcohol intake and reduce his intake to safe levels.

We conclude that James Bond was unlikely to be able to stir his drinks, even if he would have wanted to, because of likely alcohol induced tremor.

To view the study, CLICK HERE.

What would happen if you tried to drink like 007?

Let’s face it: the literary James Bond drank *a lot* of alcohol. What would happen if you tried to drink that much?

Before you answer, let’s look at the track record:

Golfinger (1959): The novel opens up at the Miami airport, featuring, “James Bond, with two double bourbons inside him.” He’s nursing another, musing about life and death. His flight to New York canceled, 007 decides he’ll live it up. He encounters Junius Du Pont, a rich man he had encounered in the first 007 novel, Casino Royale. They have a drink together (Bond getting another bourbon on the rocks). Later, they go out to dinner. Du Pont orders two martinis, telling the waiter to bring two more in *ten minutes.* They have pink champagne with their meal.

Thunderball (1961): The novel starts with Bond nursing a hangover and reflecting about the night before. “His final whisky and soda in the luxurious flat in Park Lane had been no different than the ten preceding ones…” We’d type the rest of the sentence but we’re getting hungover ourselves just reading.

You Only Live Twice (1964): Bond, at a social event with Tiger Tanaka, the head of the Japanese Secret Service, has had five flasks of sake. “I’ve drunk five flasks of the stuff and its effect is abotu the same as one double martini,” Bond says. “I shall need another double martini if I am to go demonstrating the superiority of the Western instinct over the wiles of the Orient.” Interestingly, 007 says this while on a *diplomatic* mission for Her Majesty’s government. Nice! You ever drank five flasks of sake? The effect is a tad more than a single double martini. Once again, we’re getting a hangover even thinking about it.

Anyway, a clever YouTube user, doing some editing of Daniel Craig’s two 007 films, has managed to provide an idea of what it would be like if you tried to drink like Ian Fleming’s James Bond. YouTube, though, doesn’t permit embedding of the video (at least so you can watch from here), so to view it, JUST CLICK HERE. We’ll leave the embedded image below just to make this post look nice.